The One About Men

“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.” ― George Carlin

I’ve discovered something about myself. Even after being on my own for just about four years, I have trouble talking to (most) single men. There’s just way too much pressure. Married men? No pressure, so no problem. Even men with girlfriends are fairly easy-ish to talk to. But parade a single, unattached guy in front of me and the wire connecting my brain to my mouth (or fingers) magically comes unattached. I have been known to say some pretty ridiculous, embarrassing things – in person, email, Facebook…the method of communication doesn’t make a difference. That’s not to say the things I say aren’t true, it’s just that I usually mean them a bit differently than they come out. Nerves are horrible, pesky things.

“One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a woman is, until after considerable acquaintance with her.” ― Mark Twain

Then there’s the whole “how are Christian women supposed to handle dating in the 21st century?” question. How are we supposed to handle it? Honestly, I’m baffled. For pete’s sake, I need the rule book! Will someone please send me a copy?

“Our hope doesn’t rest on our finally getting it together. Our hope rests in Jesus.”― Stasi Eldredge, Becoming Myself: Embracing God’s Dream of You

Personally, I want the guy to be the guy and do the asking and pursuing. That’s how God wired us after all (read Captivating by Stasi Eldredge and Wild at Heart by John Eldredge for an extensive, biblical explanation for this). But because of past experiences which have left many of us – men and women – leery of being hurt again, and because society has given women the message that we should go after a guy if we want him, the whole man/woman/relationship thing has gotten pretty confusing and convoluted. Case in point: if I simply wait for a guy to call me (or ask me for my phone number) I could be giving him the impression that I’m not interested in getting to know him better. And if a guy who has been burned in the past thinks I’m not interested in getting to know him better then he may not want to risk rejection by reaching out first. Conversely, if I reach out and initiate an innocent conversation with a guy, he could write me off as being too forward. See what I mean? Con-fus-ing. (And for the record, I’ve done both and neither approach has worked for me thus far.) That said, the reaching out first thing generally makes me uncomfortable – I’m just too old-fashioned I guess. I think I need to quit doing it.

“…sitting and waiting is one of the most miserable occupations known to man – not that it usually is known to men; women do it much more often.” ― Diana Gabaldon, Dragonfly in Amber

So what am I supposed to do with all these questions I have when I’m not getting any answers? Well after a few months of wrestling with all of this I’ve come to the conclusion that I simply need to try to relax (“Do or do not. There is no try.” – Yoda), go about my (or rather my Father’s) business, and wait till that guy with the same set of values I have and I cross paths. You know, the one who loves Jesus and puts Him first, genuinely cares about people, and is ministry-minded with a heart for the lost, the one who sees the Bible as a handbook for life – not just a book of interesting stories and great quotes to hang on the wall. He’s the one who will smile at me like he means it, and when I smile back at him and our eyes lock, he’ll think to himself, “Wow. I wonder what her story is.” And then he’ll come over to ask me.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

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2 thoughts on “The One About Men

  1. The wonderful thing Lauren, is that when it’s the right person and there’s that connection, it doesn’t matter who initiated contact. It just works because it’s meant to and part of His plan for you. You have grown into such a much stronger woman, and I know that your life will be as full as it’s supposed to be! Love you! xo

    1. There is some truth to that I suppose (that it doesn’t matter who initiated contact if there’s a connection). I think my feelings on this subject are exacerbated by the fact that I sometimes feel like I’m imposing on people. I struggle with that a lot; it’s a real stretch-outside-my-comfort-zone thing to reach out to people. Specifically men-people. Single men just aren’t interested in getting to know me better. I don’t know why, but they’re not. It’s hard to keep sight of the fact some days that it’s probably because it’s just not God’s timing yet, rather than that there is something wrong with me. I think I have an awful lot to offer the right guy… I guess I just need to wait for someone to be interested enough to want to find that out for himself.

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