“Fill your paper with the breathings of your own heart.” — William Wordsworth
Writing has been a huge part of my life since I was a kid, but I’ve been finding it tedious as of late. I had a serious bout with writer’s block over a year ago which I wrote about here: http://survivingdivorceafter40.blogspot.com/2011/12/blah-blah-blah-writing.html, but this isn’t writer’s block – at least not in the traditional sense. I’ll have a thought or get an idea, feel the need to write it out, sit down in front of my laptop, and all of a sudden I get very, very tired and want nothing more than to do something (anything!) else. I’m not sure what that’s all about to be honest with you. I’ve never experienced anything quite like this. I need to write, but for the first time ever I don’t want to write. It’s very strange.
I wonder if the journal writing I’ve been doing is sapping my creative energy. I’ve been writing a lot more in my (paper) journal lately than anywhere else, but it’s something I need to do – that outlet has played an essential role in my healing. God has used my journal writing more times than I can count to clarify something or point me to a much needed answer. It also helps me sort out my feelings and make sense of things when my emotions are muddled. When I die one day, I almost feel sorry for them if anyone reads my journals. They are quite the jumble!
In any case, if the reason for my lack of desire with regard to creative writing is, in fact, related to my journal writing then I think it’s worth it. While I know I still have a few things here and there to work on (who doesn’t?) I have to say that by and large I have come a great deal further in my healing than I ever thought possible over the past couple of years, and journal writing (which, more often than not, takes the form of letters to God) is the main reason I have come so far in such a short amount of time.
So as much as I dislike the fact that my creative writing has been suffering recently, becoming emotionally and spiritually healthy is a pretty good trade-off.
If you’re (ever) going through something painful, difficult, or just need to sort through your thoughts and/or emotions, I highly recommend writing things out in a journal. Whether it’s just for that particular circumstance or you wind up with a life-long habit, at the least it can be incredibly helpful and at the most it can save your sanity. It did for me.